Defeatist
by Cyber Rogue
Summary: Defeatist: Someone who accepts defeat. Someone who dwells in failure. Gabriel Agreste is many things, but a defeatist, he is not.


_I'm supposed to be strong._

 _I'm supposed to find a way, to carry on_

The cold grey walls seemed to close in on him, wanting to trap and remind him of what he had lost. The room was just as cold as he felt inside. The worthless pieces of furniture, elegant decorative pieces of art that held no true purpose, were now just hollowed husks.

Much like him. Much like how he felt. He was empty, without a purpose. Hollow without the thing, the one person, at his side who made life so bright.

His fists shook from where they rested on his knees. The shadows danced around the room, taunting, taking shape and form. As his eyes flickered, he could have sworn he saw _her_ shadow. He could have sworn he heard her laughter, her voice as she teasingly called out his name.

A soft, light touch to his cheek awakened his senses. He looked up sharply, his gaze drawn to the small figure hovering at his side. Nooroo, the butterfly kwami, smiled at him softly.

"It will be okay," the kwami said softly.

It was but a mere echo, a repeat of what everyone had told him. The police, his assistant, the distant family. Everyone had given him the same thing, the same words of what they assumed was comfort. Then, they had all delivered him a false promise. A promise he knew that no one could keep.

" _It will be okay."_

No. No, it would not be okay. Nothing was alright. She was gone. His wife, his life partner, was gone, and there had been nothing he could have done to save her. All their promises did not bring her back, did not right the wrong that had been committed.

Everyone had failed, including him. Yet now, he was no longer confined to one individual, to a mere mortal.

For he had something that the police, the detectives, and all of Paris did not have.

He had the power of the moth miraculous. He wielded the power of transformation.

His heart hardened, his expression becoming unreadable. Nooroo noted the change with a strong sense of concern, but he could do nothing as Gabriel Agreste arose from his seat. The glow of the full moon cast an eerie, unnatural glow around him as he moved through the dark halls, and Nooroo had no choice but to follow him.

His footsteps were the only sharp sound on the pristine tile floors. The silence was heavy, and every little thing that flashed before his eyes bore a small resemblance of _her._ He thought he saw a flash of her blond hair. He could have sworn he had heard her voice calling out his name.

But it was not real. Mere ghosts, lost memories that haunted these empty meaningless halls.

 _I don't want to feel better_

 _I don't want to not remember,_

He remembered how they had met. He remembered her bright green eyes and silky blond hair. He remembered her smile. He remembered everything about her. He _loved_ everything about her.

And she was gone. Taken away from him. He was kept from seeing the mischievousness in her bright green eyes. He was starting to forget how her blond hair felt when he touched it. What of her smile? Was it stolen from her as she was stolen from him? What had befallen her?

 _If I can keep on holding on_

 _Maybe I can keep my heart, from knowing that you're gone,_

He quickened his pace, trying to flee the feeling of hurt and hopelessness that was clawing at him, desperate to drag him back under the well of despair. He knew that if he stopped right now at this moment, he would lose his courage. He would lose his resolve. He could not stop. He was unable to. He did not even want to stop. In some way, it felt right to him. This...this plan forming in his head, it would lead him to action. It would lead him to results.

"Master," Nooroo protested, flying toward him. He did not know the full extent of Gabriel's plans, but he could sense the impending darkness. "Don't do anything drastic. She would not have wanted you to lose yourself-"

"What will you have me do, Nooroo?" he snapped as he flung open his office doors. The portrait of his wife, his darling Emilie, hung in the office space. It was similar in style to _The Woman in Gold portrait._ Yet Emilie never truly needed gold and jewels to magnify her beauty. She was already beautiful to him.

That beauty was stolen from him, and like a dragon coveting its gold, he wanted it back.

"Will you have me forget her?" he demanded in an almost broken whisper. He strode forward and activated the secret consoles that were hidden to the untrained eye.

 _I will always see your face,_

 _In the shadows of this haunted place,_

He closed his eyes as he was taken to the dark room where the white butterflies resided. They fluttered at his presence, reaching out to him.

He remembered how much she enjoyed his little champions. Even now, he thought he caught sight of smile as he heard her laughing as the little champions landed and played in her hair.

But it was all a haunting memory.

His heart still broke as he remembered what, who, he had lost. It was that very thought that propelled him forward with his actions.

"Emilie," he whispered, her name a sweet memory. He reached for the miraculous that was always placed near his heart. He unclipped it, opening the brooch to reveal the picture of his smiling wife. He gently stroked the picture, a small smile on his lips as he became lost in his wife's smiling face.

 _I will curse, I will pray, I'll relive everyday_

 _I will shelter the blame, I will shout out your name_

He clenched his fists, putting the brooch back on, his gaze steely and his eyes hard.

"Master," Nooroo said in a horrified whisper. "Please don't. You still have Adrien, he's your son! Think about what he would feel should he find out-"

"Those feelings will be dashed away when Emilie is found," he interrupted. "Adrien will rejoice when she is back with us." Yes, he also had his son, his dear son who soaked his pillow with tears every night as he mourned for his mother. This...this very act that he was about to commit, what he was about to do, would benefit Adrien as well. For that, it was worth it. To see his son smile again, to see the innocence restored, it was worth it.

Gabriel looked up, the nights moon shining on him. "Nooroo," he said once more. "Dark wings, rise!"

With that, he felt the transformation take affect. Gabriel Agreste vanished, and in his place, stood Hawkmoth; the very one who could bring Emilie back to them. The very man who can make his family whole again.

"Let's find my wife," he growled, a silent promise, a promise that he would never forget.

 _I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky,_

 _But I will not say goodbye._

* * *

 **Author's Notes: These lyrics are from Danny Gokey's emotional song, "Will Not Say Goodbye." The lyrics seemed to fit Gabriel in my opinion.**


End file.
